Although Blogmas focuses a lot on Christmas, I like to take this time of the year to reflect on what the past years has brought me. What I've gained, what I've lost, my lessons learned, and the opportunities I've had. This year has been a thrill and a challenge. I took a lot of time to learn about myself, which I think was one of the biggest achievements of all. This may to turn into one long sappy post, and sorry if it does, but I feel like it kind of clears off the rest of the table that is 2016.
I spent the beginning of the year in a terrible state of mind, which was really unfortunate because I was probably at what should have been a total high. I was in my last semester of university, and I was about to intern at one of my dream companies. Unfortunately, I was in a terrible headspace from a toxic relationship. It's a tricky feeling being in that situation. You want to try so hard to make said relationship work, but sometimes it just doesn't. Especially when your S/O doesn't reciprocate the same effort. My good friend told me that a relationship is like two cars going down the same road, and if one breaks down, the other car stick around to help them up to get back on the same road again. But this looked like more of a fork in the road. To put it bluntly, I wasn't happy. But because of the kind of person I am, it was too difficult for me to break off. When he pulled the rug out from under me that Easter Weekend, I felt so hurt. Ultimately, it ruined the rest of my experience at my internship. I still kick myself for having that toxicity interfering with my career, but that was a big learning curve.
I spent the rest of my summer trying to get back on my feet. The first few months were challenging. It's weird when a relationship ends because you don't have that person around anymore, and what once was a solid routine, now dissipates. But there was a weird moment in the middle of June where I quite literally woke up and realized I wasn't sad anymore. That was when I knew I was over it, and if you experience it, you know it's the best feeling in the world.
Speaking of the summer, it was probably one of the best I ever had. I spent several of my Friday nights at a bar called Sneaky Dees with friends where we'd just get crazy to classic emo music. I felt more alive and myself standing on that stage screaming along to songs that I loved when I was 14 (and still do to this day!) I also went to more concerts this year than I think I may have ever had. But I did it all on my own terms with the people who I value the most. And that was a big thing for me too. I did things for me because I wanted to. I learned over those four months that I really don't have to take anything from anybody. I had recently graduated university and I was quite literally free to do what I wanted. For once, I was the happiest I'd been in the longest time.
The fall showed up quicker than I thought, and a budding relationship came my way, which I'm happy to say I'm still in. There's a weird feeling when you're with someone else who's the complete opposite of the person you were with, and you get to recognize this brand new potential that they have to offer for you. It's only been a few months, but I've felt a click. It's like when you're trying to find that complicated puzzle piece, and then it fits just right. I'm so very happy with where we're at and I continue to hope for only the best.
Although 2016 wasn't my most groundbreaking year, it showed me a lot about myself. The kind of people I do and do not want in my life. The things I want to surround myself with, and how to make decisions for myself. I still have a ways to go. I want to find a career in my field, be more settled, work on controlling my personal health. But I know that comes with time. I realized that this year too; that I can't have control over everything and need to take it all a day at a time. Hard when you want everything to get started now, but I've decided to let the higher powers take the reigns in that regards. I'm meant to be where I'm at right now for whatever reason. Around June or July of this year my mom bought me a little bamboo plant. However many number of stalks there are is symbolic of different things to be brought to your life. There are three stalks in my pot which symbolizes happiness. I'd say it's doing it's job just fine.